1/22/2024 0 Comments Necessary endings henry cloud![]() Often we will close our boundaries to good things from others, staying in a state of deprivation. Other people have good things to give us, and we need to “open wide our hearts” to them (2 Cor. And when the good is on the outside, we need to open our gates and “let it in.” Jesus speaks of this phenomenon in “receiving” him and his truth (Rev. Confessing pain and sin helps to “get it out” so that it does not continue to poison me on the inside (1 John 1:9 James 5:16 Mark 7:21–23). “if I find that I have some pain or sin within, I need to open up and communicate it to God and others, so that I can be healed. Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't A person who cannot bond may suffer from addictions, depression, emptiness, excessive caretaking, fear of being treated like an object, fears of closeness, feelings of guilt, feelings of unreality, idealism, lack of joy, loss of meaning, negative bonds, outbursts of anger, panic, shallow relationships, or thought problems such as confusion, distorted thinking, and irrational fears.” They don’t reach out to safe people: why get hurt again? Although unbonded people often have friends and families, their isolation is deep and can cause many serious problems. They don’t recognize safe people: no one is safe. ![]() People who are unbonded do funny things in relationships: They don’t look for safe people: there’s no hunger. And they often become resigned to never loving again. People who have been deeply hurt in their relationships will often devalue love so it doesn’t hurt so much. ![]() Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant, and people “no darn good” anyway. This withdrawal is called defensive devaluation. Instead, he buries his needs deep inside, so he can no longer be hurt. He does not experience his need, the hunger for love. “The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils and withdraws emotionally. ![]()
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